We went for our anatomical ultrasound and were so blessed to find out that the Lord has blessed us with another little daughter growing in my belly. I cried and cried at the ultrasound for the wonder of it all. It's just so beautiful to see such thing. A real life growing in my womb all the while the Lord is knitting her.
She seems like a calm little one. Just hanging out in complete comfort. At one point the tech needed her to turn around so she could get a better measurent. We coaxed her by turning and a bit of prodding. When she turned, she was just as content and didn't change positions. She likes to have her arm in front of her face near her forehead. I still don't feel her much even though I am nearing 19 weeks. With the other babes, I felt them quite early. It seemed to get earlier with each one and they were all so active.
The impression I get with this sweet little one is that she is gentle and mild. I know it's not going off much, but that is the way I feel so far. I look forward to meeting her in person and being able to experience this unique and precious soul.
These moments and thoughts make me really remember the loss of Lael. I think of her everyday, but not always with thoughts of loss. Opportunities to speak of her come up often and I speak of the great hope and excitement I have to experience her presence one day in heaven. But, lately it's been tough. Memories flood my mind of pregnancy with Lael. How every day I thought I had lost her. How much time in prayer I spent no knowing what to do. Remembering going into labor at only 20 weeks. Having an ultrasound in the triage and not finding her little heartbeat and feeling so weak and broken that I could have just melted through the hospital bed. Seeing My dear Love cry with me and the look of despair on his face. Delivering Lael's tiny, tiny little lifeless body and holding her the best I could not wanting to hurt her, even though I knew she was already in heaven with my Lord and Savior. So much pain. So much sorrow.
I remember a peace that I could not understand during this whole process despite the pain. It can only be attributed to The Amighty who loves His children, oh so much; so much more than I could ever love my own children. It became such a sweet time in my walk with the Lord. I grew closer to Him than ever before. I knew and know His love in such a real way. I know Him. I know the God of the universe personally and at such a a trying time, He showed Himself to me in such a way that I don't ever want to forget. He comforted me with warmth, love, peace, endurance. He sustained me. I talked to Him constantly. It was all I could do. I could do nothing else. I had no control and it was O.K. He was all I needed. I longed to go to Him sometimes in moments of despair, but mostly because of His goodness and love. He drew me to Himself.
I hope never to forget, and that is why I write this.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Balloons for Lael
Beauty and sweetness amidst stress and fatigue.
As we drove home from HEB, Martini says, "Mommy, you know what I want to do with my balloon?"
"What, Sweety?"
"I want to let go of it and let it go so high for my sister Lael."
"You mean outside?"
"Yes. So she can have a balloon to play with."
"Me too." adds Ethan.
Tears rush to my eyes and I am brought back to rememberance of then that are pure, and sweet, and good. I am saddened all of the sudden and full of love and other things fade. I just love my children so much and I thank the Lord for them. I didn't go into the explanation that she wouldn't literally get to play with them. I just enjoyed the moment, and it was great.
We got home and immediately cut off the weights and the boys let them go. We watched them as long as we could and talked about how Lael is in Heaven. We touched a bit on how she would appreciate such a gift but that she would not actually be able to touch and play with these actual balloons. We did not dwell on that but on how sweet it was that they wanted to send them to her. They were happy and so was I.
***
Today has been a tough day. We woke up quite early to meet Martini's new teacher. It wasn't too bad, but it wasn't as smooth as it needs to be on Monday for school. His new teacher is the cutest little thing. She just had her first baby nine weeks ago and my heart broke for her and her little daughter at the thought.
We then headed to Target to get some extra supplies when I was pulled over by a police officer. I had been on the phone talking to my father-in-law about an uncle with cancer when the beautiful blue and red lights atop the cops car started flashing for me. I pulled over immediately, hung up, pulled out my license and got my registration.
Turns out, I didn't turn on my right turn signal when I turned. By the Lord's grace, I was give a written warning because he so kindly reminded me that they no longer give oral warnings. I shed a few tears as he ran my info while the boys excitedly told me how they would love to be police officers one day so they could tote around a real gun and have handcuffs for the bad guys.
On to Target where things went relatively smoothly despite the no-tax crowd. I checked out quickly longing to releive my bladder only to find the main restroom closed for cleaning and the only other one occupied.
We left and headed to HEB. Out of frustration, my kids sat in silence while I yelled quite loudly at them in the van for disrespectfulness (ironic, huh?) and warned of consequences if any more foul behavior were to take place.
HEB . . . head straight to the restroom - everyone goes including Carmelita after I took off a full diaper and then had to put her pants back on without a diaper - get a cart and the nice lady gives them each a balloon - immediately, three balloos are all over the place being hit, swung, bopped on heads, almost hitting other customers - quick warning about behaving with balloons - kids are hungry after samples - purchase sushi and eat in eating area - clean up and continue shopping - get more samples because kids are still hungry - try my best to continue shopping - have to stop behind the tiny furniture section at HEB to spank Carmelita's hand because of throwing and hitting balloon and throwing fit and not obeying - continue shopping - check out - head home in utter heat with Carmelita screaming almost the whole way home until sleep overtakes her - home - balloon release (beautiful moment) - unload groceries - put away perishables - sit and eat a bit more - sit in front of computer (while Carmelita screams after waking from her nap). Carmelita has had a tough two days for some reason. Early rising and late retiring have not helped (or contribute to) the situation.
Anyway, may the balloon moment reign in my mind today as a reminder of the futility of stress and the beauty of God's gift called children.
As we drove home from HEB, Martini says, "Mommy, you know what I want to do with my balloon?"
"What, Sweety?"
"I want to let go of it and let it go so high for my sister Lael."
"You mean outside?"
"Yes. So she can have a balloon to play with."
"Me too." adds Ethan.
Tears rush to my eyes and I am brought back to rememberance of then that are pure, and sweet, and good. I am saddened all of the sudden and full of love and other things fade. I just love my children so much and I thank the Lord for them. I didn't go into the explanation that she wouldn't literally get to play with them. I just enjoyed the moment, and it was great.
We got home and immediately cut off the weights and the boys let them go. We watched them as long as we could and talked about how Lael is in Heaven. We touched a bit on how she would appreciate such a gift but that she would not actually be able to touch and play with these actual balloons. We did not dwell on that but on how sweet it was that they wanted to send them to her. They were happy and so was I.
***
Today has been a tough day. We woke up quite early to meet Martini's new teacher. It wasn't too bad, but it wasn't as smooth as it needs to be on Monday for school. His new teacher is the cutest little thing. She just had her first baby nine weeks ago and my heart broke for her and her little daughter at the thought.
We then headed to Target to get some extra supplies when I was pulled over by a police officer. I had been on the phone talking to my father-in-law about an uncle with cancer when the beautiful blue and red lights atop the cops car started flashing for me. I pulled over immediately, hung up, pulled out my license and got my registration.
Turns out, I didn't turn on my right turn signal when I turned. By the Lord's grace, I was give a written warning because he so kindly reminded me that they no longer give oral warnings. I shed a few tears as he ran my info while the boys excitedly told me how they would love to be police officers one day so they could tote around a real gun and have handcuffs for the bad guys.
On to Target where things went relatively smoothly despite the no-tax crowd. I checked out quickly longing to releive my bladder only to find the main restroom closed for cleaning and the only other one occupied.
We left and headed to HEB. Out of frustration, my kids sat in silence while I yelled quite loudly at them in the van for disrespectfulness (ironic, huh?) and warned of consequences if any more foul behavior were to take place.
HEB . . . head straight to the restroom - everyone goes including Carmelita after I took off a full diaper and then had to put her pants back on without a diaper - get a cart and the nice lady gives them each a balloon - immediately, three balloos are all over the place being hit, swung, bopped on heads, almost hitting other customers - quick warning about behaving with balloons - kids are hungry after samples - purchase sushi and eat in eating area - clean up and continue shopping - get more samples because kids are still hungry - try my best to continue shopping - have to stop behind the tiny furniture section at HEB to spank Carmelita's hand because of throwing and hitting balloon and throwing fit and not obeying - continue shopping - check out - head home in utter heat with Carmelita screaming almost the whole way home until sleep overtakes her - home - balloon release (beautiful moment) - unload groceries - put away perishables - sit and eat a bit more - sit in front of computer (while Carmelita screams after waking from her nap). Carmelita has had a tough two days for some reason. Early rising and late retiring have not helped (or contribute to) the situation.
Anyway, may the balloon moment reign in my mind today as a reminder of the futility of stress and the beauty of God's gift called children.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Sit Down!
"Daddy, sit down."
"Sit down, Carmelita?"
"Yes, sit down and play wis me." Carmelita says to Daddy as she gets out her Littlest Pet Shops and big LEGOS.
Lately, she's been carrying around this purple see-through bag/tote that a doll came in at one time. The other day she packed it full of her favorite toys to take to Mema's to spend the night. Ever since, she has treasured and and carried it around and brought it on little car trips.
"I want to buy it my birthday." she just told Daddy and she points to something.
"Oh, man! It's OK Baby." Carmelita says as one of her toys falls over.
"It's OK little mouse." MyLove says while comforting the Littlest Pet shop mouse.
"Not mouse! Baby!" replies Carmelita with a bit of sass and "of course" in her tone.
"Sit down, Carmelita?"
"Yes, sit down and play wis me." Carmelita says to Daddy as she gets out her Littlest Pet Shops and big LEGOS.
Lately, she's been carrying around this purple see-through bag/tote that a doll came in at one time. The other day she packed it full of her favorite toys to take to Mema's to spend the night. Ever since, she has treasured and and carried it around and brought it on little car trips.
"I want to buy it my birthday." she just told Daddy and she points to something.
"Oh, man! It's OK Baby." Carmelita says as one of her toys falls over.
"It's OK little mouse." MyLove says while comforting the Littlest Pet shop mouse.
"Not mouse! Baby!" replies Carmelita with a bit of sass and "of course" in her tone.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Ethan Praises the Lord
About a month ago, I was eating breakfast and Ethan was in the living room dancing in his boyish way (with jumps and kicks and stomps) and singing the most beautiful things to the Lord. When I realized what he was singing, I grabbed a piece of paper and pencil and tried writing down as fast as I could what he was singing. Here are the snippets I was able to capture from such a precious moment:
Oh Lord, You're so big!
There is nothing You can't do!
I love you, God.
You are so great!
You're so strong.
I love you.
You're so mighty!
You are King of the mountain.
You are King every day.
God, I love you so much.
You are mighty to save.
You are so awesome!
"From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise . . . " -Psalm 8:2a
- I think that he was going in and out of the song "Mighty to save" by Hillsong. It is such a wonderful praise song.
* * *
Just yesterday afternoon, MyLove and I could hear Ethan singing to the Lord yet again in his creative ways. It brought tears to my eyes.
May the Lord bless you, my dear Ethan, with great boldness to proclaim truth as you get older, with a heart that is fearless of men but who fears the Lord and a heart that is after God's own heart. And may the Lord bless you in ways unimaginable!
Oh Lord, You're so big!
There is nothing You can't do!
I love you, God.
You are so great!
You're so strong.
I love you.
You're so mighty!
You are King of the mountain.
You are King every day.
God, I love you so much.
You are mighty to save.
You are so awesome!
"From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise . . . " -Psalm 8:2a
- I think that he was going in and out of the song "Mighty to save" by Hillsong. It is such a wonderful praise song.
* * *
Just yesterday afternoon, MyLove and I could hear Ethan singing to the Lord yet again in his creative ways. It brought tears to my eyes.
May the Lord bless you, my dear Ethan, with great boldness to proclaim truth as you get older, with a heart that is fearless of men but who fears the Lord and a heart that is after God's own heart. And may the Lord bless you in ways unimaginable!
Ratatouille
The kids enjoy the movie Ratatouille and since they have watched it, they have asked me to make the famous dish that turns Anton Ego into the lovable, kind-hearted man at the end.
I checked a slew of ratatouille recipes online and this is what I came up with. It is definitely a combination of various recipes, but the gist is the same. It is essentially a vegetable stew.
Ingredients:
1 large eggplant, cubed
1 large zucchini, cubed
2 yellow squash, cubed
1 onion, chopped
4 roma tomatoes, cubed
6 cloves garlic, minced
garlic salt
tomatoe goya seasoning
parsley
olive oil
parmesan cheese
Directions: Sautee onions, garlic in oil.
Add eggplant and garlic salt, parsley. reduce some @ 10 min?
Add squashes, cook til warmed through
Add tomatoes and goya seasoning
Cook in oven for 30 min with lid. (I used our stainless steel pan that can go into the oven. Otherwise you can transfer to a casserole dish)
Cook 15 min w/out lid, at this time add parmesan cheese if desired.
It was a hit! I had my mother-in-law over and she does not usually like eggplant. She loved it. Even the kids ate it. Ethan needed extra parmesan, but he ate some.
***
I made this again but added mushrooms. Yummy!!!
***
I made this yet again but this time I tried slicing the veggies very thin and layering in rows in a casserole dish (more like the movie). On the botton, I first poured in a bit of chicken broth with onions sliced in very thin circles. This helped the veggies steam in the oven. I baked it all with the seasonings originally used and it was beautiful and yummy! Martini really like this one.
I checked a slew of ratatouille recipes online and this is what I came up with. It is definitely a combination of various recipes, but the gist is the same. It is essentially a vegetable stew.
Ingredients:
1 large eggplant, cubed
1 large zucchini, cubed
2 yellow squash, cubed
1 onion, chopped
4 roma tomatoes, cubed
6 cloves garlic, minced
garlic salt
tomatoe goya seasoning
parsley
olive oil
parmesan cheese
Directions: Sautee onions, garlic in oil.
Add eggplant and garlic salt, parsley. reduce some @ 10 min?
Add squashes, cook til warmed through
Add tomatoes and goya seasoning
Cook in oven for 30 min with lid. (I used our stainless steel pan that can go into the oven. Otherwise you can transfer to a casserole dish)
Cook 15 min w/out lid, at this time add parmesan cheese if desired.
It was a hit! I had my mother-in-law over and she does not usually like eggplant. She loved it. Even the kids ate it. Ethan needed extra parmesan, but he ate some.
***
I made this again but added mushrooms. Yummy!!!
***
I made this yet again but this time I tried slicing the veggies very thin and layering in rows in a casserole dish (more like the movie). On the botton, I first poured in a bit of chicken broth with onions sliced in very thin circles. This helped the veggies steam in the oven. I baked it all with the seasonings originally used and it was beautiful and yummy! Martini really like this one.
Little Mommy-Carmelita
Just now, the boys were arguing about the "rules" of their game, back and forth, back and forth. Carmelita would interject, "Be nice, MartiniEthan. Be niiiiice." They ignored her and after a few more back and forth comments I say, "That is enough, boys!" Carmelita reitterates, "that's enough, MartiniEthan!"
***
The other day. . .
Carmelita is sitting on the counter while I am looking at the computer. The boys are running around in circles through the kitchen, into the foyer, past the couch in the living room and back through the kitchen again. They are having so much fun giggling and chasing when . . .
Snap, snap. Clap clap. A "cluck-cluck" with the tongue. (Snapping is her new talent. It's a faint sound, but she loves to do it.)
Carmelita is trying to get the boys' attention.
"MartiniEthan," She says without pause between the names.
Snap, snap. "MartiniEthan!" The boys continue their game.
Clap, clap. "MartiniEthan!!" She says louder without any response.
"MartiniEthan!!!" She says.
"Boys, Carmelita is trying to tell you something." I say with curiosity.
The boys stop, "yes, Sister?"
"Take a break!"
We all start giggling.
"What do you mean?" I ask her.
"Not playing!"
The boys looked at eachother and me to see what my thoughts were and we all laughed. I told her they could play and she laughed with us.
***
The other day. . .
Carmelita is sitting on the counter while I am looking at the computer. The boys are running around in circles through the kitchen, into the foyer, past the couch in the living room and back through the kitchen again. They are having so much fun giggling and chasing when . . .
Snap, snap. Clap clap. A "cluck-cluck" with the tongue. (Snapping is her new talent. It's a faint sound, but she loves to do it.)
Carmelita is trying to get the boys' attention.
"MartiniEthan," She says without pause between the names.
Snap, snap. "MartiniEthan!" The boys continue their game.
Clap, clap. "MartiniEthan!!" She says louder without any response.
"MartiniEthan!!!" She says.
"Boys, Carmelita is trying to tell you something." I say with curiosity.
The boys stop, "yes, Sister?"
"Take a break!"
We all start giggling.
"What do you mean?" I ask her.
"Not playing!"
The boys looked at eachother and me to see what my thoughts were and we all laughed. I told her they could play and she laughed with us.
Adoption
Yesterday on our way home from church, Martini asked, "what does adopt mean?"
"To adopt is when maybe a child's parents die and that child is then given to another family to take care of them and love them, or maybe a mommy and daddy have a baby and they can't take care of him and they give him to another mommy and daddy to be his parents. It's a very loving thing." I told him.
"Oh." he responds.
"Also, it's what happens to us when we believe in Jesus. We will be adopted as heirs of His kingdom. We are all a family. We are children of The King!"
"Oh, O.K.! But that hasn't happened yet. It will happen when we are in heaven."
"Yes, Martini. That is exactly right. Your theology is perfect." MyLove tells him.
"This is what Jesus promised us in the Bible." I tell him as he smiles ear to ear with excitement.
"To adopt is when maybe a child's parents die and that child is then given to another family to take care of them and love them, or maybe a mommy and daddy have a baby and they can't take care of him and they give him to another mommy and daddy to be his parents. It's a very loving thing." I told him.
"Oh." he responds.
"Also, it's what happens to us when we believe in Jesus. We will be adopted as heirs of His kingdom. We are all a family. We are children of The King!"
"Oh, O.K.! But that hasn't happened yet. It will happen when we are in heaven."
"Yes, Martini. That is exactly right. Your theology is perfect." MyLove tells him.
"This is what Jesus promised us in the Bible." I tell him as he smiles ear to ear with excitement.
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