We're Having a Girl!

We went for our anatomical ultrasound and were so blessed to find out that the Lord has blessed us with another little daughter growing in my belly. I cried and cried at the ultrasound for the wonder of it all. It's just so beautiful to see such thing. A real life growing in my womb all the while the Lord is knitting her.

She seems like a calm little one. Just hanging out in complete comfort. At one point the tech needed her to turn around so she could get a better measurent. We coaxed her by turning and a bit of prodding. When she turned, she was just as content and didn't change positions. She likes to have her arm in front of her face near her forehead. I still don't feel her much even though I am nearing 19 weeks. With the other babes, I felt them quite early. It seemed to get earlier with each one and they were all so active.

The impression I get with this sweet little one is that she is gentle and mild. I know it's not going off much, but that is the way I feel so far. I look forward to meeting her in person and being able to experience this unique and precious soul.

These moments and thoughts make me really remember the loss of Lael. I think of her everyday, but not always with thoughts of loss. Opportunities to speak of her come up often and I speak of the great hope and excitement I have to experience her presence one day in heaven. But, lately it's been tough. Memories flood my mind of pregnancy with Lael. How every day I thought I had lost her. How much time in prayer I spent no knowing what to do. Remembering going into labor at only 20 weeks. Having an ultrasound in the triage and not finding her little heartbeat and feeling so weak and broken that I could have just melted through the hospital bed. Seeing My dear Love cry with me and the look of despair on his face. Delivering Lael's tiny, tiny little lifeless body and holding her the best I could not wanting to hurt her, even though I knew she was already in heaven with my Lord and Savior. So much pain. So much sorrow.

I remember a peace that I could not understand during this whole process despite the pain. It can only be attributed to The Amighty who loves His children, oh so much; so much more than I could ever love my own children. It became such a sweet time in my walk with the Lord. I grew closer to Him than ever before. I knew and know His love in such a real way. I know Him. I know the God of the universe personally and at such a a trying time, He showed Himself to me in such a way that I don't ever want to forget. He comforted me with warmth, love, peace, endurance. He sustained me. I talked to Him constantly. It was all I could do. I could do nothing else. I had no control and it was O.K. He was all I needed. I longed to go to Him sometimes in moments of despair, but mostly because of His goodness and love. He drew me to Himself.

I hope never to forget, and that is why I write this.