The day before yesterday, the kids were all playing in the back yard. It was getting late and the boys' friend had to go home. While Carmelita was sitting on the back step at the door, the front door was opened. Air sucked through the house so fast and slammed the back door onto Carmelita's middle, ring and pinky fingers. I ran to the back door and opened it and she began screaming. I started panicking and crying out expletives (and completely ruining my witness to the rest of the world) as I went back and forth from our bathroom to the kitchen trying to figure out what to do all the while MyLove was following me trying to look at Carmelita and asking me questions. I was so angry at myself for letting her hang out by the door and not being smart enough to move her or prop the door open.
Long story short, we got x-rays and her ring finger has a break at the very tip. There is a little bit of bone that broke off. There really isn't anything you can do in these situations. To wrap her hand would really be more to set MyLove and me at ease than to help, and it would be a nuisance to Carmelita. Yesterday, her finger looked like a little black balloon. Today, praise the Lord, it is already getting pink again, the swelling's down, and she is completely back to normal (as she was yesterday actually)! Total healing time should be around 4-6 weeks.
We give glory to God that she wasn't more severly injured and that she is just fine. She is such a trooper.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
McManner Man Award
Today, we had donuts and juice with Martini at his school. He, along with some other children, were awarded a McManner Man Award. Kids are encouraged to practice good manners and being polite and when they do without being asked to, they get a "McManner Man Ticket." These tickets are then put into a giant M&M man thingy and names are drawn.
We are so proud of our Martini because his name was drawn! We praise the Lord for his good manners and good attitude. What an ambassador for Christ he is becoming. Here are a few pictures from today.
After the ceremony, MyLove, Ethan, Carmelita and I ran some errands and here are Ethan and Carmelita in the cart at Home Depot.
We are so proud of our Martini because his name was drawn! We praise the Lord for his good manners and good attitude. What an ambassador for Christ he is becoming. Here are a few pictures from today.
After the ceremony, MyLove, Ethan, Carmelita and I ran some errands and here are Ethan and Carmelita in the cart at Home Depot.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The Potty Already?!
Tonight, I told Ethan to go peepee, but he didn't need to and while we were discussing it, Carmelita walked up to us saying, "peepee, peepee," and pulled at her diaper. I was excited and took her to the toilet. I took off her diaper and she peed in the toilet! I was so happy and praised my sweet Carmelita while she squealed with excitement. We kept cheering and then I told her that she could have some gum, and she was elated. She just kept squealing and cheering.
Now, this is not her first time going in the potty. Once, she went with my mom and about four times, she has gone with MyLove. I am convinced it's because they are patient and actually take her to the toilet when she mentions it. I, on the other hand, assume that she is saying "baby" and move on hoping we can continue whatever else we are doing. To tell you the truth, I am not quite ready to do the potty transition. In stores . . . night time . . . dropping everything to help her take her pants and diaper off. I definitely have grown to appreciate the convenience of diapers with my third child. With Martini, I hoped that he would potty train when he was six months so that I could parade him around like some trophy of my doing. What a nerd. I know that there are cultures that actually do this (potty train by 6 months, not parade them around!): in Kenya, the Philippines, some in China, Iran. Ours isn't one of them. I realize that all milestones we have with children: learning to walk, first tooth, eating on their own, talking, they are all acheived within months of the more "advanced, exceptional" children and really there is nothing to worry about most of the time.
In the end, Martini fully transitioned at 3years, 4months. Ethan: 2years, 5months. Sooo, we'll see. Carmelita is currently 21.5 months. I only stopped nursing her in late Novemember. She's growing too fast!!!
Now, this is not her first time going in the potty. Once, she went with my mom and about four times, she has gone with MyLove. I am convinced it's because they are patient and actually take her to the toilet when she mentions it. I, on the other hand, assume that she is saying "baby" and move on hoping we can continue whatever else we are doing. To tell you the truth, I am not quite ready to do the potty transition. In stores . . . night time . . . dropping everything to help her take her pants and diaper off. I definitely have grown to appreciate the convenience of diapers with my third child. With Martini, I hoped that he would potty train when he was six months so that I could parade him around like some trophy of my doing. What a nerd. I know that there are cultures that actually do this (potty train by 6 months, not parade them around!): in Kenya, the Philippines, some in China, Iran. Ours isn't one of them. I realize that all milestones we have with children: learning to walk, first tooth, eating on their own, talking, they are all acheived within months of the more "advanced, exceptional" children and really there is nothing to worry about most of the time.
In the end, Martini fully transitioned at 3years, 4months. Ethan: 2years, 5months. Sooo, we'll see. Carmelita is currently 21.5 months. I only stopped nursing her in late Novemember. She's growing too fast!!!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Today was a Good Day
I got Martini ready this morning and took him to school for the first time in months. He has had MyLove, my sister and my mom all chipping in to take him and pick him up for some time now. But, I missed our time together in the morning. I made him eggs (which he did not want) and his favorite, cinnamon rolls. He was so happy to hear that. Ethan came with me to drop him off and we joked and laughed the whole way there.
One might ask, "What do you joke about with a 6 and 4 year-old?" "Why, poop and pee of course!" You just mention those words and the boys cut up. It is so funny. It doesn't matter what the existing conversation is about, just throw those in and you've got an automatic joke.
Afterward, Ethan and I headed to Target to get some things and then to Michael's for some frames and other things I needed for Lael's shadow box. In it currently are a little gown, her I.D. bracelet, a picture of her feet, her burial program, and an angel pin that was given to us. I will post a picture of it when I am finished. We went to the post office and then headed home to MyLove and Carmelita. We got some things done around the house with my new purchases and had a photo shoot. The picture at the top of the page is one of the billions I took. The house right now is an absolute disaster zone, but despite that, today was a good day!
One might ask, "What do you joke about with a 6 and 4 year-old?" "Why, poop and pee of course!" You just mention those words and the boys cut up. It is so funny. It doesn't matter what the existing conversation is about, just throw those in and you've got an automatic joke.
Afterward, Ethan and I headed to Target to get some things and then to Michael's for some frames and other things I needed for Lael's shadow box. In it currently are a little gown, her I.D. bracelet, a picture of her feet, her burial program, and an angel pin that was given to us. I will post a picture of it when I am finished. We went to the post office and then headed home to MyLove and Carmelita. We got some things done around the house with my new purchases and had a photo shoot. The picture at the top of the page is one of the billions I took. The house right now is an absolute disaster zone, but despite that, today was a good day!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Honoring Lael
On December 18th, we had a small burial service for Lael. It was intimate and very special. We told only family as we wanted it to be as intimate as possible.
Above is a photo our nurse took of Lael's little feet. We passed a copy of it to all of our family. At 20 weeks gestation, Lael was so much a precious baby. To think that one might believe that our baby was only a "fetus, made up of a ball of tissue and such" is indescribable in my heart.
MyLove performed the service and prayed. He did such a beautiful job honoring our Lael and the Maker of Lael, our Lord. I am so proud of him. No one could have done a better job. We were asked who we wanted to perform the service and it was immediate and clear that MyLove was the one. Our hope is in the Lord and MyLove knew Lael more than anyone other than myself. Who better to honor her that her own father? It was difficult to do, and he cried, but he was able to do it beautifully.
After the service, the boys wanted to see Lael's body be buried. It was very good for them. They got to spread dirt while they buried her and it ministered to their hearts. We believe that it really helped with closure and their grieving process.
This is her actual casket. It was so tiny. Lael was buried in my favorite Nursing Cloak, my first cherry blossom Cloak. The funeral home provided the bear and flowers.
This is the speech and prayer that MyLove prepared and read at the burial service:
In His holy word he said, and of Lael he says:
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. – Psalm 139:13-14a
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. – Psalm 116:15
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” –Matthew 19:14.
Thank you for joining us today as we honor the life and death of our precious daughter, Lael. Lael Ford, our precious little princess, who died just short of 20 weeks in the safe confines of My Love’s womb, is now rejoicing as she sees the FACE of her Creator, Jesus Christ. She is now in God’s possession and belongs to him. This is why we named her Lael, because it is Hebrew for “belonging to God”.
When we held her warm body in our arms at the birth, we beheld her face, touched her body, and smelled her. We only wish we could have known her, played, danced, sang, and held her as a living child. But we know with certainty that her body is not her. She is not here. She is her soul, and she is with Jesus in a perfect state of peace, joy and love, surrounded by her fellow brothers and sisters in Christ- from the apostles, King David, Moses, Elijah, to Lazarus, the Syrophoenician woman, and the woman who was healed from bleeding- they are all there rejoicing with her. And we know that we will meet her and know her when we join her in Jesus’ presence. We desire to honor her now in this burial to show her, everyone here, and God how much we love her and value her. She is being buried with both sets of my grandparents and at the foot of my Dad’s mother, on this plot my Dad has so generously given for her. Within her casket, she is wrapped in MyLove’s favorite nursing cloak, which she hand-made, with beautiful cherry blossom fabric. It’s the one she was going to use to nurse Lael.
Lael will always be part of our family, and will always be remembered as our 4th child.
Please join me as I pray to the God who is with Lael right now:
Father God, we thank you for our little princess, Lael, and for the certainty that she is right there with you at this moment. Thank you she is safe and loved by her truest Father- YOU. Aid us in our attempts to honor her in this lifetime. We ask that you would heal her Mommy’s and my broken hearts and give us strength to carry on. And may her little life and death in this world bring you glory and change our hearts to live more fully for you and bring you glory. Thank you for always wielding your great power and wisdom by the hand of your lovingkindness for our best- not to harm us but to ultimately help us and shape us into the likeness of your beloved Son, whom we worship. May we be so familiar with worshiping you that it would not be an unfamiliar act at that moment when we enter your presence for eternity. We approach you in the name of Jesus Christ, the Word who became flesh, that great humbling he volunteered for on our behalf, which is what Christmas is all about. Amen.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Knitted in a Different Way
On December 11, 2008 at around 3AM, we rushed to the hospital because I was experiencing painful contractions. We had three ultrasounds and found that our precious baby girl had died. It was more than I could bear. We are not sure when, but sometime within the last few days, her heart had stopped. It was too much for me to handle.
Before she was delivered, we named her Lael - "belonging to God."
I delivered her some time on the 11th and got to hold her and pray over her and thank my God for the short time I had her. I thanked Him for having her in perfect love in heaven and praised Him in anticipation of the day I will see her in glory. I have such peace that she is with Jesus experiencing life like I have never experienced before.
I started hemorrhaging. They found I had placenta previa acreta, the placenta was growing into my cesarean scar. My uterus was trying to get rid of the placenta, but couldn't, so I kept bleeding. I was taken to the operating room and lost around half my blood. I was given three blood transfusions during the operation (D&C) and two transfusions afterward. I was told that I almost died. I woke up not knowing this but saw the look on MyLove's face. He had tirelessly prayed that the Lord would bring me back to him. My dear sister and dear uncle and dear brother-in-law all prayed there with him.
My sorrow has been for my precious Lael. My poor Love's sorrow has been for Lael and his wife. We rejoice at how the Lord took care of me and give Him glory for the limited time I got to experience Lael in my belly. I am not bitter. I am very sad and broken-hearted. I miss her.
A dear nurse of mine, Paige, who cradled Lael in a blanket and gave her to me to hold, has had two miscarriages of her own. Her hope is also in Jesus, and we talked and had a bond that was so precious. I was given a tiny burial gown and a knitted blanket for Lael made by sweet women who share this sorrow. A 98-year-old woman made the blanket and said that all mothers who have lost their baby are knitted together in a way that only we can understand. I have heard this before and have prayed and prayed that the Lord would spare me from such an experience. And lo, the Lord had different plans. So, here I am. Knitted together with a precious group of women who have had such deep sorrow and pain and have love for their little babes until their dying day. How we long to give that love to our precious little ones.
Tomorrow we will have a small burial service for Lael. I am nervous but long to honor her and my God who created her.
Martini asks lots of questions and comments how it is not fair that she is in heaven with Jesus and he can't be there with her. He says how much he wants to see her and tries to figure out ways that we can allow him to hold her. Out of no where, he will come and hug me and tell me he is sad for Lael. He loves to talk about her. He is such a good boy.
Ethan asked about her the other day. He wanted to know whose baba's they were since Lael couldn't breastfeed. He asked if I would breastfeed her in heaven. I told him no because she wouldn't be a baby anymore and that my baba's were not anyone's now. It was another sad realization for me.
Carmelita will point to my belly and say "baby?" and we tell her that "baby" isn't there anymore and that she is my baby still.
Thank you to everyone for your prayers, support, phonecalls, emails, and just for all of your love. Thank you for making us meals and sending us flowers and cards. We are encouraged by your love and continue to covet your prayers.
Before she was delivered, we named her Lael - "belonging to God."
I delivered her some time on the 11th and got to hold her and pray over her and thank my God for the short time I had her. I thanked Him for having her in perfect love in heaven and praised Him in anticipation of the day I will see her in glory. I have such peace that she is with Jesus experiencing life like I have never experienced before.
I started hemorrhaging. They found I had placenta previa acreta, the placenta was growing into my cesarean scar. My uterus was trying to get rid of the placenta, but couldn't, so I kept bleeding. I was taken to the operating room and lost around half my blood. I was given three blood transfusions during the operation (D&C) and two transfusions afterward. I was told that I almost died. I woke up not knowing this but saw the look on MyLove's face. He had tirelessly prayed that the Lord would bring me back to him. My dear sister and dear uncle and dear brother-in-law all prayed there with him.
My sorrow has been for my precious Lael. My poor Love's sorrow has been for Lael and his wife. We rejoice at how the Lord took care of me and give Him glory for the limited time I got to experience Lael in my belly. I am not bitter. I am very sad and broken-hearted. I miss her.
A dear nurse of mine, Paige, who cradled Lael in a blanket and gave her to me to hold, has had two miscarriages of her own. Her hope is also in Jesus, and we talked and had a bond that was so precious. I was given a tiny burial gown and a knitted blanket for Lael made by sweet women who share this sorrow. A 98-year-old woman made the blanket and said that all mothers who have lost their baby are knitted together in a way that only we can understand. I have heard this before and have prayed and prayed that the Lord would spare me from such an experience. And lo, the Lord had different plans. So, here I am. Knitted together with a precious group of women who have had such deep sorrow and pain and have love for their little babes until their dying day. How we long to give that love to our precious little ones.
Tomorrow we will have a small burial service for Lael. I am nervous but long to honor her and my God who created her.
Martini asks lots of questions and comments how it is not fair that she is in heaven with Jesus and he can't be there with her. He says how much he wants to see her and tries to figure out ways that we can allow him to hold her. Out of no where, he will come and hug me and tell me he is sad for Lael. He loves to talk about her. He is such a good boy.
Ethan asked about her the other day. He wanted to know whose baba's they were since Lael couldn't breastfeed. He asked if I would breastfeed her in heaven. I told him no because she wouldn't be a baby anymore and that my baba's were not anyone's now. It was another sad realization for me.
Carmelita will point to my belly and say "baby?" and we tell her that "baby" isn't there anymore and that she is my baby still.
Thank you to everyone for your prayers, support, phonecalls, emails, and just for all of your love. Thank you for making us meals and sending us flowers and cards. We are encouraged by your love and continue to covet your prayers.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Status: Currently Being Knitted :-)
"For you created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well."
-Psalm 139:13,14
Yesterday, we made a trip to the doctor and walked away with sobering but great news. We saw our little daughter on the ultrasound and she is beautiful. I am 19 weeks along today.
Everything looks healthy: cervix, amniotic fluid, brain developement, growth, blood count levels. Praise the Lord! He so faithfully continues "knitting" our little daughter in my womb.
The night before I was in despair. The future looked quite ominous to me. I was trying to figure everything out and couldn't! Would you believe that?! The future just can't be figured out!
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
-Matthew 6:34
I am still bleeding and show no signs of stopping. My doctor has informed me that unless the Lord moves the placenta (because there is no other way) I will be admitted to the hospital around 24 weeks. This news is such heartbreaking, despairing news for me and the night before I couldn't handle it. MyLove and I prayed for a long time and the Lord has given me such peace. If we can keep our little bun in the oven until she is about 34 to 36 weeks along, it will all be worth it.
My dear mom was here for my bedrest from Sunday night to Wed. evening and my dear sister got here Wed. night and will be here 'til Fri. evening. They are planning on being here on all weekdays as long as needed. It is such a humbling experience that makes me feel so indebted to them and yet I know they expect nothing in return. They do this out of pure love, concern and support. I love them so much. Also, some dear friends from our church, our LNO (Ladies Night Out) group is providing meals for Saturdays and Sundays until mid-January. Ahhhhhhhh, the church, what an incredible blessing they all are.
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well."
-Psalm 139:13,14
Yesterday, we made a trip to the doctor and walked away with sobering but great news. We saw our little daughter on the ultrasound and she is beautiful. I am 19 weeks along today.
Everything looks healthy: cervix, amniotic fluid, brain developement, growth, blood count levels. Praise the Lord! He so faithfully continues "knitting" our little daughter in my womb.
The night before I was in despair. The future looked quite ominous to me. I was trying to figure everything out and couldn't! Would you believe that?! The future just can't be figured out!
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
-Matthew 6:34
I am still bleeding and show no signs of stopping. My doctor has informed me that unless the Lord moves the placenta (because there is no other way) I will be admitted to the hospital around 24 weeks. This news is such heartbreaking, despairing news for me and the night before I couldn't handle it. MyLove and I prayed for a long time and the Lord has given me such peace. If we can keep our little bun in the oven until she is about 34 to 36 weeks along, it will all be worth it.
My dear mom was here for my bedrest from Sunday night to Wed. evening and my dear sister got here Wed. night and will be here 'til Fri. evening. They are planning on being here on all weekdays as long as needed. It is such a humbling experience that makes me feel so indebted to them and yet I know they expect nothing in return. They do this out of pure love, concern and support. I love them so much. Also, some dear friends from our church, our LNO (Ladies Night Out) group is providing meals for Saturdays and Sundays until mid-January. Ahhhhhhhh, the church, what an incredible blessing they all are.
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
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